Adventures of a Failed Wingman

No really, can I get 3 for Christmas? I'm in a drought.

Just found this right now. Simply groundbreaking work being done here:

Hi All,

Marvell, Santa Clara will be shut down from 12/20/08 to 1/4/83. I will have limited access to email and phone during this time. For any site updates and content changes, please leave a message and we will address this after the shut down.

Apparently Jeff won't be available from the 20th of December to when he was born. Sorry Jeff, too funny not to post. If you want to try to reach him though, you might need a modified DeLorean.

So I went out with some old coworkers last night. One of them said I looked like I'm from the Financial District. Another one said I looked like I'm from the Mission District. Both annoyed me.

Ooh! So I remember more of what happened on Saturday night. It was a funny night.

So about halfway through the night, I'm at the bar and this drunk girl, pretty cute, walks up to me and all of a sudden is hangin over me.

She says," Someone spilt a drink in my hair." =(

So I hand her some towels. Meanwhile she's still hanging over me. She says," I'mmmm sooooooo druuuunk."

Let's freeze here for a moment.

At this exact point and time I sort of felt like when I'm playing basketball, and I have a wide open shot. Like its too wide open. No defense around. Like to the point where you think in your head,"Hmm I can take my time, how the fuck am I this open?" Then you shoot and brick.

So continuing on with the moment. She says, "I'mmmmmm sooo druuuuunk."

I reply, "Can I buy you a drink?"

Fail!

Later on that night, my roommate and his friend needed to use the bathroom at the club. So we head over to that direction. I didn't need to use the bathroom so I just stood outside. But then I noticed something.....

My roommate and his friend were walking into the girls bathroom blackout drunk. I wait outside for about 10mins. I see 3 security guys outside the women's bathroom chatting and pointing. I was sort of drunk myself and couldn't put 2 and 2 together so I decide to text my roommate that I'm leaving.

I go home, get into bed and sleep. 30 mins later I hear the door open, 2 people stomp in.

Then I hear my roommate's friend yelling to my cousin, "Ay man, we lost your cousin blood! Ay blood we lost him!"

I hear my cousin stomping up stairs. He opens the door to my room and turns on the lights.

Cousin says," Hey."

I reply, "Hey."

He turns off the lights and is about to close the door.

I say, "Hey."

Cousin, "Ya?"

Me, "Can I have a bite of that burrito?"

Cousin, "Ya."

:Chomp:

Me," Night." Him, "Night."

Well I guess I should start blogging again. Let's get right into it.

So last week I got a haircut from a stylist in Soma. His name was Ashley, he's filipino and he works in a trendy salon. He had a light voice. So lets run that back:

He's a stylist.

He's Filipino.

He works at a trendy salon.

He has a light voice.

His name is Ashley

That usually leads to one conclusion. Anyway, I called him out on his ethnicity while he was cutting my hair. We started talking about the Philippines. I forgot how it led up to it but I mentioned, "Ya, there's alot of fine mixed Korean/Filipina girls out there now."  Ash replies enthusiastically," What?!? Bring it on! My last girlfriend was Korean!"

Well, I've learned to never judge a book by its cover. I guess it's probably pretty damn cool to have a significant other who can give you an expensive haircut for free.

Moving on, I went to Suite 181 on Saturday. The place was ghetto. Real ghetto. I feel bad for any girl that goes there. They have to walk a gaunlet of dudes touching their elbow hollerin like crazy. I being one of them.

My roommate's friend was DJing there that night so drinks a go go. My roommate gets blackout drunk. He starts dancing with this super big black chick. Well, being wingman I did the right thing. I danced with her ugly friend. For what its worth, she had a big booty and could work it.

Its always fun reminding my roommate of what occured the next morning. I told him who he was dancing with and his reply was," Damn, I was at least hoping I'd pull a fine one last night." Then he went back to sleep.

me:  i feel that way about mirrors edge
im getting that day 1
 G:  same here...for $20
 me:  :shakes fist at god:
 G:  high fives god

Me (5:45:27 PM): hahaha ya i saw this

Me (5:46:58 PM): alright i gotta pack up and head out

Foolio (5:47:13 PM): aight dood

Me (5:47:14 PM): later bromo aragato mister broboto

Foolio (5:47:20 PM): dobro

Me (5:47:26 PM): lol